Swinging, Have you ever tried to explain what it is? Or what you mean when you tell them you are a swinger? It’s not easy. There are so many misconceptions and myths about swinging that you often have no idea where to start the discussion. There is so much cultural baggage with the term swinger that some have elected to just simply abandoned the word and declare that “We are not swingers” or “We don’t like that term!” Now people can choose to describe themselves however they want, but it’s not always successful. Like it or not, the term swinger is what is known.
“The real problem in describing swingers and Becoming Swingers, Is The SwingerSocial Site The Place To Start?swinging is not that the stories and myths are so inaccurate as much as they are too old or too narrow to define the wide variety of people and sex acts that describe swinging today.”
The key parties and “wife-swapping” of the 70’s may be gone but the activities of house parties and couples who exchange sex partners is alive and well. To the uninitiated, they fail to understand the difference and are baffled at the insistence by some that the term is dated or sexist or somehow inaccurate. Rather than bristle at the term, embrace it and simply expand the minds of those that misunderstand.
So what does it really mean to be a swinger? Don’t go to the dictionary to get an answer. You might as well ask what is democracy or the one true religion! All the definition you’ll get of swinging will be banal and vapid descriptions about human sexuality fit for a junior high school health class textbook.
“To be fair, it is very difficult to cover the wide range of behaviors and fetishes that comprise the lifestyle without becoming sensational or salacious.”
And to provide a broad-brush stroke of the majority of swingers as married couples in their 40’s who swap sex partners with other couples on occasion for recreation does a disservice to the wide-ranging people and activities that comprise the swinging lifestyle. Where do singles fit in? Single males are a huge part of the swinging scene even if very few of them are successful on average. And what about bisexuals? There are tons of MMF and FFM threesomes that happen all the time in swinging. What about those who seek partners with similar fetishes? How about those that engage in BDSM? Where’s the descriptions of cuckold, cuckquean, gangbangs, bukkake, threesomes, Ménage à trois , polyamorous relationships, sex swings, dildos and toys, big black cock BBC, big beautiful women BBW, double penetration DP sex acts or a whole host of other things you can find in the big swinging tent of the lifestyle?
Although there is a “bell curve of normalcy” in the world of swinging, any description must go farther than just one standard deviation of sexual behavior–because there is clearly some deviancy beyond the one standard!
“Although it is clear that the majority of swingers are middle-class, professional, educated, stable, married couples in their 40-50s who are just as likely to be at a PTA meeting or teaching Sunday School as a local sex club…”
there are still a lot of others that consider themselves swingers or are ascribed as such in the lifestyle. In fact, the term lifestyle used to be called the alternative lifestyle, but it has become so mainstream in many ways that the word alternative has pretty much been dropped from the lexicon.
“So even though swingers usually account for only 2-4% of the population, the practice is becoming more and more accepted that many no longer consider it an “alternative” lifestyle.”
In fact you can be guaranteed to find swingers in every single town in North American and at least one swing club in almost every city!
So what are the right and left margins of swinging then? It is difficult to define the extremes of swinging when there are so many factors involved in swinging. For some people the unattached, no strings attached (NSA) and recreational aspect of swinging is considered extreme. There are those who will not have sex unless there is substantial physical and emotional trust and attachment with their partners. Whereas others will fuck just about anyone at the drop of a hat. Of course numbers alone could be considered a threshold for deviation. Orgies and gang-bangs certainly are a characteristic of some swinger parties, but are not nearly as frequent as people make them out to be. Even at large house parties and clubs where many people have many different sex partners throughout the evening, it is still rare to see a free-for-all, no-holes-barred, cluster of fucking by a dozen people in a single ball of limbs, dicks, tongues and pussy. When you do see lots of people fucking together in orgy rooms, most of the time what you see is multiple pairings or triads in close parallel play.
So perhaps the extremes in swinging are the fetishes and kinks and sex acts? If true, then the real question becomes what is “normal?” The 2-4% of the population that is swingers often refers to the rest of the world as vanillas. But it is likely that the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender community would bristle at the notion that they are vanilla and mainstream. Additionally, the BDSM crowd is often overheard to describe all of the rest of us as vanillas–meaning any form of sex or gender relations that does not involve bondage, humiliation or pain. Yet you can frequently find people in the lifestyle that engage in BDSM–to some degree. Of course there are also the cuckolds and cuckquean. Those who love anal sex. Those who obsess about oral sex, or guys with big cocks, or women with large breasts. Men who like to wear women’s clothing. Voyeurs. Women who wear strap on cocks. Guys who want to be fucked by women wearing strap-ons. Plus a whole host of various inanimate objects that have been sexualized by those with fetishes, such as high-heel shoes, leather, feathers, balloons and fur.
Which brings us back to the whole idea of what is swinging and who are swingers? Clearly it is NOT the key parties and wife-swapping of the 70’s. Today’s swingers are mostly married couples, but there are tons of singles and young non-married couples too. There are destination swingers who travel to resorts or on cruises to find other swingers.
“There are groups, clubs and social organizations that meet regularly either in person or online for the sole purpose of finding other like-mined swingers. Swinging activities run the gambit from monogamous parallel play with others to no-holes-barred orgies.”
It can include common fetishes like voyeurism and foot fetish to BDSM and cuckolds. Swinging includes singles, couples or triads. It can be No Strings Attached recreational sex or collections of couples or threesomes in committed and loving relationships. It is not gender specific and it is not limited by orientation. Bisexuality abounds in the lifestyle and many swingers swing both ways. In many ways, swingers and swinging ends up being all those people who do not feel they need to limit their sexual expression and activities to lifelong monogamous sex and are free to enjoy whatever consenting adults (in any number) agree to do privately (or semi-privately) without fear of judgment.